Bodaciously Irritating Botanical Print Dresser!

Decoupage Dresser – Take 352

Financial Investment: $$$ ($25+)

Emotional Investment: L Call the doctor; I need to up the anti-depressants

Worth the Investment: - Not so much

Here is the link to Martha’s project from her website.  The first comment by another reader perfectly sums up how I feel about almost every project I’ve done of hers so far, “I attempted to make this, but I failed.” 

Urgh.  How long have I been working on this project?  Well, it’s the second project I tackled when embarking upon this journey and here I am, almost eight months later?  Has it been that long?  I’m not really sure, but it certainly seems like it has been. 

Rewind to when I first began and I put about 22 coats of paint on a dresser only to realize that it wouldn’t work because it had rounded corners.  For once, Martha’s directions were clear and it was my fault that I didn’t follow them.  Damn her.

For months, I trolled Craigslist for months to find the perfect dresser; I looked on street corners when driving through neighborhoods all in hopes of finding a dresser that could be used for this project.  It needed great bones, and more importantly, it needed to be CHEAP (or free). 

I finally found one… $10 and it wasn’t far from my sister-in-law’s house, so I went for it and put my faith in Mr. Craigslist’s hands. 

Here it is:

When I went to pick it up, I had no idea that I would also be picking up an odor.  An odor that was so pervasive, my car smelled like it for at least a week.  Did they live above a stinky restaurant?  I don’t know, but the stank was permeable.  It was so strong that I decided to put the prep work on hold until I could handle being in the same room with it.  (Or at least that’s the story I’m sticking to, rather than admit the fact that I was a little lazy and didn’t want to start the project).  The prep work included scrubbing it with a degreaser, sanding off icky spots, and filling the drawer-pull knob holes with wood putty.

I painted it a light green color to go with my craft room décor and reminisced about my experience dealing with the Fred Meyer paint man.  Never argue with someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about (and no, I’m not referring to myself).

After the coat of paint, I made a template of the drawer by tracing the perimeter of it on Kraft paper (FYI, if you ask someone at JoAnn’s what Kraft paper is, they won’t know.  Seriously.  I finally put two and two together and figured out that it’s basically just postal wrap paper.  You know, the brown bag stuff.  Oh, and p.s. you can get it at the dollar store!).

One of my first steps when beginning this project was to buy some botanical prints.  I went on Amazon.com and searched for botanical prints and came across this book. 

I also decided to add some feet to the dresser since it seemed really boring, so I purchased some metal plates and ball feet at Lowe’s.  I painted them to match the dresser and attached them to the bottom.  I also decided to change out the hardware on the drawers as the silver pulls that came with it detracted from the project and didn’t really go with the whole ‘garden-chic’ vibe I found some knobs that I had purchased at IKEA a long time ago, and just spray-painted them white.

When cutting the botanical prints, I tried a paper-cutter and a rotary cutter only to discover that the Xacto knife was the way to go… No slippage and no tearing. 

I was determined to follow Martha’s instructions, so I heeded her advice and taped each print to the Kraft paper with masking tape and painted it with paper sealant (fancy name for Modge Podge).  What a joke!  Not only did the masking tape leave some tears on my prints, but it was completely noticeable where it the tape was because the sealant leaves a texture and slight color.  She claims that the sealant strengthens the prints… um, not really.

I chose to group mine by color.  Using my exceptional math skills, I determined that each drawer would take four prints, so I grouped them in hues of red, yellow, and purple. I then very carefully placed the first print on the drawer after slathering it with Modge Podge.

Only to realize that I had it UPSIDE-DOWN! 

Yep, that was brilliant.  It didn’t come off easily and left me one print down, so that I had to go through the book again and re-trim another print. 

I finally got the hang of it, and followed her directions of placing one on each end of the drawer, and then moving towards the center so that they could overlap, if necessary.  I also used a brayer (ooooh, look at me and my fancy craft tools), to smooth them out, but somehow managed to still have bubbles.  The perfectionist in me was ready to toss some lighter fluid and a match at the dresser, but I kept calm and decoupaged on.

So, here it is. 

Better view of feet and knobs

Is it my favorite?  God, no.  But, I did it and I can honestly write on marthastewart.com for this project that, “I tried it and didn’t fail.”

40 Years of Service... Worth a Crayon or Two

Let me preface this post by saying that it's NOT a Martha Stewart project, but since my crafting time has been cut short, I had to prove that I'm doing something with my time.  

My mother-in-law recently retired after forty years of being a teacher.  Those who know me, know that patience is not something that I was blessed with, so I remain in awe of her and her ability to go that long without physically accosting a child.  That's a joke.  Kind of.


I wanted to do something homemade for her, so I found this cute little project where you use crayons to make a monogram.  Of course the one that I looked at used the letter 'W' which is super easy because it's all straight lines.  My mother-in-law's last name is Blake, so that gave me a 'B' to work with.  


First for the supplies... I purchased four boxes of crayons (I didn't want to run out midway through the project!), and then I used a shadow box from Target.  Of course, the first two stores that I went two didn't have a shadow box, but thank you Target for saving me from a trip to IKEA!

I then printed out the letter 'B' in light gray on a piece of cardstock.  The first time I printed it, it was too dark and you could see it through areas where the crayon didn't mask it (boo). You can use any font, but I chose Times New Roman because it's classic (and much easier because it doesn't have any fancy curlicues)  

I then used craft glue to attach each crayon which I cut to size using an X-Acto Knife.  

Next, I used Microsoft Publisher to make a little label stating her name and her years of service.  I attached it to a larger piece of contrasting paper and combined the two with silver brads.  


Finally, I used a strong fabric adhesive to attach it to the backing of the shadowbox frame because with all of those crayons, it got heavy!  Here it is :)

Since it's the beginning of the school year, butter-up your kid's teacher and make them one!

Scarlett-Locks and the Three Bears

Financial Investment: $$ ($10 - $25)

Emotional Investment: J (Not too bad)

Worth the Investment: + (Pretty cute)

My good friend Natalie just had her third child; Scarlett Grace.  She brought her over to my house and I fell in love with all six pounds, five ounces of her.  I stared in wonder as Natalie said that she would definitely be into having another child.  Here, I’m thinking we’re going to stick with one, and she’s considering a FOURTH.

Scarlett has an older brother (Noah) and sister (Clara) and both of them have BRIGHT red hair, and it’s gorgeous.  Naturally, one would think that the new baby would be a redhead as well. 

Nope.  She’s a brunette!

Natalie and her husband didn’t know what they were having, so they chose a boy’s name and a girl’s name and when Natalie delivered a girl, they kept the girl’s name of Scarlett.  I think it’s absolutely perfect, because I enjoy irony; pus, it’s a gorgeous name!

Since Natalie has basically everything for a baby, I wanted to do something special, so I chose Martha’s ‘Three Bears Hangers’ project.

I started it before Natalie gave birth, but due to two bulging discs in my back, I haven’t gotten much crafting done.  That, and Peaches McGee has been transitioning to one nap which has been just awesome (that sentence is dripping in sarcasm).  My normal 15-hour a day sleeper, has decided that she doesn’t want to sleep.  Rather, she’d like to either play or have mom (and her bad back) carry her around everywhere.  Awesome.

The project itself was fairly easy and straightforward, but as usual, Martha’s directions could use some improvement.

You start with a youth-sized hanger (I got a pack of 5 at IKEA).

You then take her template, trace the NINE circles of the bear (two are the same size), cut them out and then decoupage them together on the hanger.

I personally was unable to trace the circles because I didn’t have tracing paper and it’s not as though I could see the lines through the scrapbook paper she calls for.  If I had a craft room outfitted with all of Martha Stewart’s products, it would have been much easier because I could use one of her circle hole punches.  But I don’t, so I had to get creative and started looking for other items I could use to trace the circles. 

Watching Peaches play with some buttons gave me the first idea… a button.  Then I started looking around my craft room and figured out the rest.

Here’s a diagram of where I got each circle from:

Martha once again has an error in her directions.  She states that you build the bear on the hanger (decoupaging each piece on top of one another, beginning with the head); however, if you were to follow her directions precisely, you would find out pretty quickly that you can’t put the head down first.  You have to do the ears first since they go BEHIND the head. 

Who edits these books anyway?  I’m thinking they should hire me as a “commoner” to complete the crafts using their directions prior to going to print. 

For the first hanger, I did exactly as she states, I glued each piece on top of each other.  Then I got smart and realized that assembling the bear completely and then attaching it to the hanger, is MUCH easier. 

Here are the three little bears – I tied little ribbons around them to complete the look:

Because I had two hangers left over, I decided to do some monogramming.  I made one for Scarlett, and then one for Peaches McGee (her initials aren’t actually PM – surprise, right?).  

If it's a gift for Scarlett, why did I make one for Peaches?  Well, I’m trying to make sure that I keep at least one sample of my projects so that when I sell the movie rights and become famous, I can sell the items and donate the money to charity. 

Some of the money to charity.

I’ll donate at least $100!  I’m not Mother Teresa, okay?!

On a side note - while doing research for this post, I stumbled across a website of someone who is doing something very similar to me, and probably a lot better… after all, she has her PhD in English Literature (gulp).  Oh well, I shall carry on with this project.

Twill Tape for Money

Financial Investment: $$ ($10 - $25)
Emotional Investment: K (Up the Zoloft)
Worth the Investment: = (Meh)

I have the cutest picture ever, thanks to the best photographer I know.  Most of my readers know who she is (Kara May) – she’s my cousin and she’s AMAZING.  Check out some of her work at www.karamayphotography.com

For a baby gift, Kara was gracious enough to photograph Peaches (here's a little peek at some of the pictures she took) and to include some prints.  I thought, what better way to honor the picture than to make an outstanding frame for it (or rather, dress up a frame with a cool mat).  Well, it was a thought. 

The Twill Tape Mat project by Martha Stewart looks really cool… basically, you glue twill tape in a geometric pattern around a mat and it really accentuates the picture.  Problem is, if you like things to look good close up, then this probably isn’t a great project for you. 

I did it two different ways since I was unhappy with the first result and I’m still not satisfied (and really grouchy about having to go back to the hell they refer to as IKEA and snaking my way through that monstrosity of a store to get a new picture frame). 

Because Martha has such crappy vague directions, I’ve decided to help everyone out and try to do it step-by-step.  Notice that I stated “try,” so be gentle in your comments.

1.      Pick a photo that will fit into the inside of a matted frame (you can create your own mat, but that’s a different project for a different day).  I chose the Fjallsta frame from IKEA… $12.99 and it fits my décor

2.      Martha doesn’t even include a template or anything, but suggests that you photocopy the page in the book of the examples and to tinker around with them.  Thanks.  Super helpful.  Instead, I got my quilting ruler out, a pencil and lightly penciled in lines around the mat.  It’s really important that the measurements remain consistent.  The picture below is of a different frame/mat that I was going to test it out on, but you get the picture (no pun intended).

If you look really closely, you can see the pencil lines for the design

3.      Martha’s instructions state to use craft glue and to glue the twill tape around piece by piece.  I found that the glue wasn’t strong enough for the twill tape and didn’t really stick, plus it’s super awesome when you paint the glue over a pencil line and it won’t erase.  On my second attempt, I switched to a hot glue gun and while I may have a few burns on my fingers, it was easier to cleanup and looks better. 

a.      To do the corners, you fold the ribbon at a 45 degree angle (and p.s. Martha, one of your designs uses more like a 30 degree angle so you might not want to state that EVERY angle will be 45 degrees.  I’m just sayin’.)

4.      Trim the last piece and try to get it as flush as possible to the area that you’re gluing it to.

5.      Step back and refrain from throwing the frame against a wall.

Take one

Take two

Firework Me into a Frenzy Cookies

Oh Martha.  I saw these on the cover of your Living magazine and then watched you make them on the Today show.  It’s not part of my whole ‘Martha and Reid’ endeavor, but let’s be honest.  I have been a little behind in blogging and if I did one of your projects, whether it be in the book I’m detailing, or in your magazine, I’m going to write about it.

Once again, I pose the question, “Why do you make things look so easy when they’re not?”  Why don’t you tell the public that they should make sure that no one is in the house when they attempt your projects so that there aren’t any objects being flung at innocent people?  Or curse words that young ones should not hear? 

Yes, the end product looks nice.  Yes, they actually taste okay too (which is a first for me… I once made her ricotta chocolate mousse and let’s just say I have an awesome gag reflex).  And yes, you do state that the cookies alone take three total hours.  But you don’t include the fact that it takes at least an hour and a half to decorate them!

Also, you might want to make sure that your television commentary is in line with what is in your magazine.  I went grocery shopping based on the ingredients for the Royal Icing that you discussed on the Today show.  In your words (I’m paraphrasing), “It’s very simple.  All you need is powdered sugar, water and some egg whites.” 

You might want to check that recipe again because the one in your magazine calls for Meringue Powder which is not what I would call a “staple” ingredient.  Thankfully, you note that it can be found at nycake.com.  How convenient.  Yes, let me just order it along with some other specialty items you call for and cross my fingers that they’ll magically appear before I actually need them. 

No worries, Martha!  I took matters into my own hands and used the allrecipes.com app for my iPad and got a Royal Icing recipe which called for Cream of Tartar since I had that in my spice cabinet.  I also used regular old food coloring to dye it instead of your fancy schmancy one; and yes, the red icing tasted like straight chemicals, but what’s your point? 

So how does a real person complete this project?  Well, you grunt over the million step sugar cookie process (see the directions here), or realize that any sugar cookie recipe will do.  You then make some royal icing (recipe here) and divide it into three bowls; one for white (the largest amount reserved), then one for red and blue.  You then use about 80 drops of dye for the red and maybe 30 for the blue and you get colors that somewhat resemble the ones on the cover of Living. 

Next you use an angled spatula and slap on the white icing instead of “flooding” the cookies that Martha calls for (in the interest of sanity and time).  Then you immediately pipe a red or blue dot in the center of the cookie and follow it with concentric circles in red or blue.  Martha states that you can use pastry bags or specialty squeeze bottles – I obviously took the easier (read: cheaper) route and used pastry bags).  Finally, you take a toothpick and drag it from the center of the cookie outwards and continue around the cookie. 

So here they are.  Do they look as good as Martha’s?  Probably not.  Oh well.

Quill It Never End

I chose the ‘Scroll and Heart Gift Cards’ project because let’s face it – I’m not exactly raking in the bucks doing this blog.  In fact, without my dad’s gift cards to Jo-Ann’s (which I’ve used almost all of (and too bad he doesn’t read this because I could REALLY use some more)), I’d be up a creek because it’s expensive doing all of these craft projects.  Yes, it looked intricate, but in Martha’s words, “Don’t let the elaborate effects fool you: The art of quilling is easy to master.”  Plus, ‘quilling’… It sounds so nice – it rolls so nicely off the tongue.  That’s where the niceness ends, because

It

Takes

Forever!

Yep. Try Googling “quilling” and you might stumble upon a site that has the following disclaimer:

I’m sorry, what does the first sentence say after the headline?? 

End product?  Not bad. 

Would I do it again?  Meh.  I’d like to try it using different patterns until I make a final judgment.

But perhaps I’m a tad bitter because yet again, I read the instructions probably too far in advance.  For some reason I thought that the instructions said that you should use construction paper.  Nope.  It clearly states that you should NOT use construction paper.  Oops. 

The instructions (when read the day of the project) are so-so in the book, but they’re much better online (see link above; it’s not the exact same project, but it will give you a good idea).  How she could have improved it?  Put a disclaimer lady.  Let the people know that it takes a long time and to set aside at least an hour (or two if you’re watching the Real Housewives of Orange County).

Martha lets you know that you can pay EXTRA for specialty quilling paper, or, you can choose not to be lazy and make the quilling strips yourself by just using a paper cutter and a ruler.  Yes, it takes more time, and yes I’ll admit that if I had a lot of money, I would DEFINITELY shell out the extra dough, but I don’t, so I didn’t. 

You then use a quilling tool – lucky for us, they’re not too expensive (less than $5 at Jo-Ann’s).  You place the paper strip in the slot on the tool and then turn it loosely, or tightly, depending on the shape you desire.  You use a dot of glue at the end to secure it and then use glue on the bottom to adhere it to the paper.

For the ‘fern’ that I made, the instructions called for 15 small tight circles that you squeeze into ovals to form the ‘leaves.”  Then you make a loose scroll at the end of a strip, and finally, 4 open loose circles in the corners. 

Here it is… like I said before, not great, but not bad.  At a later date, I’ll attempt the “Scroll Bugs” that she has in her book.  But for now, I’ll just take a little rest from quilling…

Supplies (from top L) - Paper cutter, paper from 'Stack 7' scrapbooking paper, quilling tool, sample of the paper I used from the 'Stack 7'

Paper with "strips" that I cut (and these are the leftovers since they are not exactly even)

Side profile of finished card

LOVE HIPSTAMATIC - IT MAKES ANYTHING LOOK BETTER!!!

Over-The-Top Cupcake Topper

I’m currently trying to “re-learn” French (I used to be fluent), renewing my real estate license, attempting to be a good wife/mother, and trying to keep my blog updated, so when I came across an opportunity to combine two major events in my life, I had to do it.

As I wrote earlier, my BFF Lauren is moving to Cincinnati; and as her friend, I wanted to throw her and her husband a going away party.  We chose to do it at our house and when I was freaking out over what to do for dessert, I remembered a project from Martha Stewart’s Encyclopedia of Crafts book that I wanted to tackle.  It was for cupcake toppers… perfect! 

When I originally read the instructions, it seemed very easy, but for some reason I combined the project with a project that was featured on one of my favorite blogs (www.howdoesshe.com) and one that I was planning on doing for Peaches McGee’s birthday.  Which, in other words means, I made it WAY more complicated than it should have been.

Martha’s directions simply call for using a photo of the people you are celebrating, printing it out, and making sure to include a white border around it.  You would then use double-sided tape to stick them together over a toothpick or popsicle stick, and voila! 

My directions:

1.      Spend entirely too much money on a flower-punch paper cutter that the project doesn’t call for, but that for some reason is what you have in your mind as the actual project

2.      Find a picture without letting your friend know, which on the upside, means finding some photos from your wedding that you didn’t know existed

3.      Format the picture using Publisher (making it black and white because who doesn’t look better in B & W) and then copy and paste it over and over

4.      Print it out on cardstock

5.      Use a paper cutter to cut each one out

6.      Realize that it would have been WAY easier to not have any border around the pictures since you’ll have to individually trim each picture.  Oh, and since there is one picture on each side of the cupcake, that makes 48 teeny, tiny little photos to cut out

7.      Place it on the flower-shaped cutout that you spent too much money on only to realize that the picture looks too diminutive

8.      Decide to use a circular punch (already owned) to make a true “flower” with the flower-shaped cutout and then place the picture on that

9.      Glue the picture to the circle

10.   Glue the circle to the flower

11.   Repeat 48 times

12.   Use two pieces of double-stick tape to sandwich a toothpick

13.   Repeat 24 times

And it’s done!  Easy peasy.

Why oh why do I have to make things so difficult???

I think they turned out okay, but I wasn’t thoroughly impressed by them.  Next time, I think I’ll go the easy route and just use one picture with a white border around it.  None of this flowery sh!t. 

Expensive flower punch on top and the circular punch that I already owned on bottom

Pictures of the couple with the inconvenient white border around them

Flower-punch, circular punch, photo.  Rinse and repeat.

The army of cupcakes